Sunday, March 10, 2013

Domino's Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza

I don't do a lot of savory reviews on this site, mostly because my dinners are usually home-cooked and pretty boring. Boring to read about, anyway. It was different this weekend though, because even though we had a fridge fully stocked with old favorites, we were both hankering for a new sensation. In situations like this, I always play the part of the pizza pusher. That is to say, I push for pizza instead of other takeaway options. I run on a pro pizza platform, plus pepperoni.

Not only was I going in hard for pizza, I was angling for the new hot dog stuffed crust. Maybe in anticipation of our upcoming trip to America, thinking we need to get used to this level of gluttony lest our systems be shocked. I know Pizza Hut had a similar pizza last year, which I'm pretty sure is now back, but we don't live in a Pizza Hut delivery zone so, eh. The only thing I'm missing from the Pizza Hut version of this is a mustard dipping sauce, but I've got my own mustard at home, thank you very much. So, the order was placed, and since it is Mother's Day and presumably not much of a day of action for pizza places, it arrived after just about half-an-hour. Score one, Domino's.
Man, when you're not hungry real life pictures of pizza are torturous. I can't believe I ate a whole bunch of that a scant few hours ago, it looks crazy. This is my classic pizza, a flavor bomb of sausage, pineapple, and jalapenos. In this ring you take a few jabs to the gut of sweetness, a left hook of savory, and an uppercut of heat. I'm sure a lot of you out there are retching, some of you might have your curiosity piqued, and some of you might be nodding sagely because you know how awesome this combination is. I've turned over many a former anchovy or farmhouse lover, because you really get it all with this set of toppings. Then again, I might just hang around with other gross people, haha. Anyway, you don't care what kind of pizza I get (although I care very much about what kind of pizza you get...) you want to know about that crazy, mixed up, cuckoo crust.
Welp, that sure is a hot dog inside a pizza crust. We got a medium pizza, and at the end of every slice it felt like you were eating an additional standard size hot dog. Completely gratuitous, but was it at least tasty? Yeah, it tasted pretty nice, if you don't mind cheap hot dogs. These were bare bones, gushy and about as meaty tasting as the fat off of a pork chop, but completely edible. We ordered it with the optional American-style mustard surrounding the hot dog, and it was extremely chintzy. Mustard, of all things, should be free-flowing. Luckily we had an entire bottle of French's here at home, and it got put to good use. One of my favorite foods as a picky jerk of a kid was 'Mexican' pigs in a blanket, hot dogs wrapped with cheese encased in a firmly wrapped tortilla. Dip those bad boys in mustard, and you got yourself a meal fit for a king...a child king who mislabels things as Mexican when they're actually just variations on American party food. Blame it on the unincorporated land that is Don Pablo's.

So, final verdict on this pizza? It was worth trying, and it wasn't gross. However, I wouldn't order it again, just because it is a bit too gluttonous, and not really worth the extra handful of calories that shoving a hot dog into your pizza adds. It doesn't taste that great. Instead, what I would suggest to Domino's UK, if I may be so bold, is to incorporate hot dogs into some kind of side dish. For example, the new Twisted Dough Balls, which are basically blobs of pizza dough with some kind of filling rolled up into them, would be awesome with a hot dog up in it served with a mustard dipping sauce. That way, you can eat bits of hot dog at your leisure, and not feel obligated to eat an entire hot dog at the end of every slice of pizza you eat. Pizza chains, I'm open to a one-off cash payment upfront or profit sharing on the sale of every Triple Twisted Dog Ball. I was thinking for the advertising we could have a CGI dough ball pulling hard against it's leash, trying to get to some mustard dip that is just out of reach, and when the leash finally snaps the voiceover will say, exasperated, 'They're off the chain!'.


  1. "Triple Twisted Dog Ball"--- I love it!

    1. Thank you! I feel I might be the only person crazy enough to want to eat that, though...