What you're reading is not the results of my latest physical. It's a biscuit from Japan.
Lots of people know Collon already, it's made the rounds for a few years online due to it's funny name, much like Calpis. The weirdest thing about Collon is not only is the name strange, it's kind of an accurate word given the shape and style of the biscuit. It's a cylinder filled with...filling. Let's just say, don't think about it too much while you're eating one. Or line them all up end to end to explain the digestive system to your children.
They look sort of like sweet Combos (which now apparently exist in America?) and I really like Combos. Will that translate through to the Japanese Collon? Or will it be yet another hilarious translation error?
It was weird - real weird. The pastry shell was thin & quite tasteless, and it cleaved apart in sort of a cheap, unpleasant way. It would've benefited from a sugar dusting, or to just be thinner. As it was, the tasteless & dry non-flavor really wasn't nice. Maybe if the filling had been a bit nicer?
Unfortunately, it wasn't.
The promise of grape soda is a tough one to actually fulfill, especially when the medium you're working in is fake pastry with a sugar-cream filling. The fine folks at Glico did a bang-up job: the filling did taste like grape soda. "What's the problem, then? Why are you so picky? All Glico wanted to do was stuff your fat American mouth with soda pop & pastry shells, and you got a beef? Get outta here, Creamy Steaks. Cram it!" you are saying - by the way, how dare you - to which I respond, "Nobody asked for tiny, fake grape soda pies."
Yeah, as you probably expected grape soda is best as a soda pop, a hard candy, or a gummy. The slightly foamy, gritty, and thick filling of a Collon is probably decent when it's chocolate or vanilla, or something that might naturally give you a 'thick' mouthfeel. The fizzy bits were cute, and did work - there were noticeable little pockets of fizz as I ate. It didn't help the strange sensation of thick grape soda clogging up my throat, though.
It was a weird experience, and one I'd prefer not to repeat - but I know if I saw a cola, lemonade, or melon soda version of these I'd buy them too. I'm a glutton for candy experimentation.
If you are similarly be-glutton'd, check out Blippo - never used them, but I've heard they're fine - inexplicably this variety of Collon is sold out almost everywhere else Japanese snacks are sold online.