Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Wasabi KitKat

Listen, listen.  I'm a huge fan of stupid, weird food and drink that make other people shake their heads and say, 'Why don't you just get a Coke and a Reese's cup instead of sputtering through an Icee Gel snack and Jolly Rancher fruit punch, for the love of crap?'

Replace the foods with other foods, and the cursing with assorted other curses, and that is a phrase I'm oft to hear.  Usually I just laugh it off, because hey, I sure do eat some horrible food. I just want to try everything that children on school buses might enjoy, what can I say?

Curiosity killed the cat, that is what I can say.

I've tried my fair share of 'strange' KitKats, sure.  The European Cheese KitKat is tasty, Blueberry Cheesecake is delicious, Sweet Potato was unmemorable, Green Tea is super nice, Dark Chocolate Strawberry was great, and Pumpkin was grrrr-ate!  They were all varying degrees of silly, and even more varying degrees of similar to their named food.  Therefore, my expectations for the (gulp) Wasabi KitKat was that it would be much like the others.  White chocolate base, with the teeniest hint of wasabi if you kept thinking "Wasabi, wasabi, wasabi" while you ate it.  Nah, it is horrible and disgusting and tasted just like it's namesake.  Don't get me wrong, I like wasabi.  I like white chocolate, and I like KitKats. I've even been known to eat a chili chocolate or two in my day, even though I wouldn't choose it over other foods, it doesn't make me want to vom.  This made me wanna vom vom, in the kitchen on the floor.  It was dreadful.  Let me try to explain, but after this I'm going to a regression therapist to take me back to that idyllic time in my life pre-Wasabi KitKat--heck, maybe all the way back to the womb.

I open the KitKat, it looked creamy beige with a green undertone--all good so far, I assumed this was going to happen, washed out colouring is a hallmark of the wacky KitKat.  I leaned in for a smell, expecting white chocolate because all of the white chocolate based KitKats have just a sweet, creamy smell.  This one started out much the same, but as it lingered in my nose, like a fine wine, I realized the hideous undertone--it was just like wasabi, but moreso to me, like mustard.  It smelled like somebody's first baking 'experiment', like some kind of white chocolate chip cookie with mustard powder and flaxseed.  Why couldn't you just make a white chocolate chip cookie?  Why'd you have to play around and experiment?  Just because salt and chilli works alright with sweet stuff, it doesn't mean everything will.  These smell dank, these smell like Keebler Elf B.O.!  WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

I experimented with baking once, as a teenage girl high off brownie successes and cookie non-failures.  I made chocolate chocolate chip cookies with a 'hint' of black pepper.  This was right at the crowning of the chilli chocolate trend, so I thought I was ahead of the curve. 'Next up, black pepper--catch up, nerds!'  I was really wrong and my dad was disappointed in me for the first time in my life.  His baleful "Why didn't you just make chocolate chip cookies?" haunts me to this day.
Anyway, I know a thing or two about making stuff that stinks that everyone hates.

This KitKat smells bad, the colour is off-putting when coupled with the smell, and the taste was abysmal.  It tasted like white chocolate for the first two seconds of suck-and-crunching, but quickly became sweet mustard powder.  Somehow, it tasted powdery, sour, sweet, and hot--all together.  If it didn't taste so ridiculously bad, it would've been interesting.

In conclusion, it was dreadful and not particularly funny to eat, it just made me gag.  Stick with cheese KitKats for oddness.

1 comment:

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